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Recent questions

My ex-boyfriend is threatening suicide - what can I do to help him?

I have recently dumped a boyfriend because he cheated with many different girls. After ending it, he has been repeatedly been sending me messages and he has said that he is going to cut, smoke weed and become suicidal. What can I do to help him? Please help!

It’s great that you were able to stand up for yourself and not allow your ex-boyfriend to continue to cheat on you.  It sounds like he wanted to have his cake and eat it.  Of course he could be quite distressed that the relationship is over and that you have finished it, and maybe the way he is pressuring you is a way of expressing his misery. Maybe you could inform him of the helplines that are available for the problems he is experiencing or suggest he visit his GP to get help.

On the other hand he may not be used to you taking control and this may be a way of him trying to get you to stay with him.  Of course the decision about whether to do so is yours.  Obviously you have a strong emotional connection to him but he is not your responsibility.  You need to weigh up the pros and cons of staying with him versus finishing with him.  On a more practical level you need to consider if he has been sexually active with these many different girls and if he used protection, as that may have health implications for you. Have a look at our information on the GUM clinic if you want get checked or need any advice.

Hope it all works out for both of you, good luck!

I’d like to possibly buy a sex toy, what is the Manx law regarding this?

A sex toy is generally considered to be an object or device used to assist sexual pleasure, such as a dildo or vibrator. Many popular sex toys are designed to resemble human genitals and they may be vibrating or non-vibrating.

There is no specific Manx law relating to the sale of sex toys although a shopkeeper might refuse to sell certain items to anyone they consider under age. It is possible to purchase a wide range of sex toys on the internet and there are a number of well-known suppliers. It is important to buy from a reputable shop or supplier as no specific safety regulations exist in the sex toy industry.

When choosing a sex toy, it is important to check what it is made of because it may not be safe for intimate use. Cleaning sex toys is also very important in order to avoid the potential of bacterial infection and you should always use warm water and unscented anti-bacterial soap.

 

I regularly take LSD because i have gotten so used to the effects it freakz me out when i’m sober

I regularly take LSD because i have gotten so used to the effects it freakz me out when i’m sober and i got many crazy. other drugs don’t make me vry High.

It sounds like you are using a lot of LSD. It can be common for someone to take LSD again and again in order to continue to experience what they have been feeling. For some people there is a sense of ‘enlightenment’ i.e. they feel that they are more in tune with the world and have special knowledge. When the acid wears off life can seem very boring.  It is also common to experience weird sights, sounds and feelings.  When these are fun and exciting the user wants to repeat the experience. It sounds like this is what has been happening to you.

Because you’ve been using regularly you’ve built up a tolerance which means you need to use more to get the same effect. You may have started to depend on it to cope with what is going on around you. The problem is that because acid distorts reality and perceptions making good choices can be difficult and not based on reason and good judgement. You need to stop using it and come down for a bit. Don’t be tempted to use other drugs. Give your body and mind a rest.  While you’re doing this seek some additional support from DASH or Motiv8 .

You can also find out more about LSD and its effects on the drugs A-Z and the Frank website

 

I do drugs all the time but i know i should stop

i do drugs all the time, i’m on drugs now but i don’t wanna stop cos it’s soooo good, but i know i should because i’m well ill.

Thanks for getting in touch - It’s a bit worrying that you say you do drugs all of the time, because that is not going to be good for you.  You said it yourself: “I’m well ill”.  I don’t know what type of drugs you are using but there are different risks associated with different drugs.  Regardless of what drugs you might be using there is always a risk of dependency and harm to yourself.  Perhaps you could think about the drugs you are using and then look at the information we provide on this site.  If you feel you need more detailed information please contact D.A.S.H - Drug Advice & Services Helpline or have a look at these websites for more support. Motiv8 Drug Aware Talk to Frank Isle of Man Drug and Alcohol Team.

Is it possible to get the Gardasil vaccine on the Isle of Man?

Is it possible to get the Gardasil vaccine on the Isle of Man? I am a 42 year old man and have several sexual partners.

Thank you for writing to me. The use of Gardasil vaccine is currently only licensed for females.  Males of any age are not covered by the national Human Papillomavirus vaccination programme. You will be able to obtain sexual health advice from the genitourinary (GUM) clinicat Nobles Hospital or alternatively by making an appointment to speak with your GP. Hope this is helpful, good luck.

 

I have always had little creme little tiny lumps around the around the edge of the head of my penis

Since I can remember I have always had little creme(sometimes the colour fades to blend in) little tiny lumps around the edge of the head of my penis. This is quite sensitive but I don’t know if it’s because of this or the fact that I am I have not been circumcised.

another thing is years ago one of my testicles retracted or disapeared (haha) when I was a lot younger and was kicked in them. I was wondering if this would make me infertile and is there anY chance that I could be took back down as it is a huge problem with my self-esteem(If I did have Any beforehand).

Thank you so much.

I am so glad you have asked for help for something that has been worrying you for a long time, that’s a great step forward.

Firstly, the little white lumps around the head of your penis would need to be examined to know exactly what they are. However, if they have been there as long as you can remember they sound like something called pearly papules and these are completely normal. They are very common and do not require any medical treatment. There are web sites available offering treatment but please be wary of these. Secondly, this area of the penis is very sensitive whether you are circumcised or not, but always get checked if you notice anything different that you are concerned about

The other problem about your testicle is another matter and really I would advise that you get checked out either by your GP or perhaps book an appointment at the GUM Clinic. A testicle that has retracted is different to a testicle that has not descended properly. In young men the testicles can retract from time to time depending on temperature changes, fear or excitement and this is entirely normal. You need to get a medical opinion and it may be possible that it can be corrected by surgery. You have nothing to lose and only benefits to gain! We all worry about our appearance and our bodies and if this as affecting your self-esteem then maybe something can be done about it, so don’t delay.

Try having a look at the images on this page on the Channel 4 website for images of pearly papules which you may find useful.

And this page on the NHS website may be useful regarding your testicular problem.

Please don’t be embarrassed. You have made the first steps, so go with it now and get some help. Good luck.

 

Hi I’m really worried at the minute…im not sure if I’ve had an early miscarriages or not?

Hi I’m really worried at the minute…. Me and my bf have had unprotected sex a few times around 5/6 weeks after my last period…. Only a week ago I started spotting and then my period came all of a sudden which was later and very heavy and very very painful which isn’t normal for me… Since then it has become a lot lighter stopping and starting for a couple of days now and I’m worried, I’ve got bad pain in my left lower side and lower abdominal pain still and I’m still bleeding bright red! im not sure if I’ve had an early miscarriages or not? Something not right and my mood has been all over the over the place recently! Something’s not right and I don’t know who to talk to or tell!?

Thank you for writing to me, you were right to get advice. As you have bad lower abdominal pain and bleeding, which is not usual for you and is unexplained, it is really important to find out what the cause is so you can get the treatment you need to stop the pain and bleeding. Please ring your GP for an emergency appointment today or go to A+E at Nobles Hospital today and they will be able to help you and make you feel better. Good luck and take care.

 

I’m so worried that my bf will find out that I had sex with his best friend 12 times…

I’m so worried that my bf will find out that I had sex with his best friend 12 times in the same month. If he finds out he will probably beat me again. This could be bad be coz he is suspicious.

Sometimes people seek sex in mistake for love and you need to think about why you are having sex with both people. You should think about what the risks and benefits to you are to this situation. Do you think you are being used and/or coerced into having sex? You should only ever have sex if you want to and it is right for you.

Do you have a good friend you can confide in and get support from as you must be feeling worried and anxious about the possible repercussions of this situation? It is never right for a person to be on the receiving end of violence and abuse in a relationship. You do not have to put up with it. Often once people get into this situation it can become a pattern of behaviour which they accept as ‘normal’ and they do not get help until this pattern has been repeated many times.

Please do not let this continue, you need to get some help, support and courage to move away from this situation. It would also be a good idea, when you feel safer, to have sexual health check-up especially if you have not been using condoms,  you can see your GP/practice nurse or make an appointment at the GUM clinic. Please get some help before the situation gets any worse for you.

Good luck and be brave!

Where can I get a drugs test from? Mum doesn’t believe I don’t do drugs anymore.

Where can I get a drugs test from? Mum doesn’t believe I don’t do drugs anymore.

I understand why you would immediately want to prove to your mum that you no longer use drugs:  it can be difficult to regain the trust of loved ones when there has been a breakdown in that trust. It sounds as if your mum is worried about you so it might be worthwhile trying to have a conversation with her to help reduce her concerns.

Drug testing can have a place but do you want to end up basing your relationship on whether or not you pass a test? It sounds like you need your mum to trust you, but the flipside of that is that she needs to trust you.  Sit down and find out how you can help her trust you more: it might be as simple as letting her know where you are and who you are with, or coming home on time.

Drug testing kits can be easily purchased online, but you might want to think about whether or not you are going to be able to be tested every time there is a concern about your behaviour.  Having your mum act like the police is probably not going to be good for either of you.

Both you and your mum might find it helpful to speak to a professional were concerns and questions can be discussed confidentially, both Motiv8 and DASHare places that provide this kind of service.

Hope this helps and good luck.

My girlfriend is depressed and suicidal from time to time. She won’t seek help…

My girlfriend is depressed and suicidal from time to time. She won’t seek help although I have tried to convince her to. It scares me a lot that she feels this way and I’m powerless to help. I don’t know how to proceed.

Thank you for writing to me. It can be very frightening and distressing if someone you are close to is depressed and low and thinks about taking their own life.

I see that you are feeling powerless and unsure how to best help your girlfriend. One of the most important things to do if someone is feeling depressed or suicidal is to talk to them about how they feel and be there to listen; you are doing this.

It is important for your girlfriend to know that depression is one of the most common mental health problems and it is treatable. The first step towards getting help is for your girlfriend to recognise that there might be a problem. The second step is for her to talk to someone she trusts. I know that she is talking to you but I think that she also needs to talk to a professional, like her GP, as they can help her deal with the underlying issues behind her depression and her suicidal thoughts.

Often young people who have depression are worried about seeking help. Many young people feel worried about how others will react and can feel embarrassed, guilty or ashamed for feeling the way they do. GPs regularly support people of all ages who are experiencing symptoms of depression; and they have the experience and knowledge to help your girlfriend identify what support and treatment will help her with her recovery. Her GP may make suggestions on steps she can take to try to lift her mood and manage her symptoms. Her GP may suggest that she see a counsellor or arrange a referral to the local mental health service.

Having thoughts about wanting to end your life can be extremely frightening and difficult to talk about. Sometimes people who feel suicidal may not necessarily want to die; they may just be unable to see any other way of coping with life and want time-out from it. I know that you have tried to convince your girlfriend to get help please continue to encourage her to ask someone for help as it is important for her to explore every possible options and source of support she could use. It’s important for her to know that she is not beyond help and is not alone and that there may be some things that she – and other people - can do to make things better for her.

It may be useful to ask your girlfriend if she knows what may help her and how you can help. For example, she may go to a GP appointment if you go with her or you could both look at identifying what sources of support are available, such as what the Samaritans offer.

There are several telephone helplines that can be called at any time of the day or night. People can speak to someone who understands how they are feeling and can help them through the immediate crisis. The Samaritans offer confidential advice and support and can be contacted on 01624 663399, .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address).

On the Isle of Man we have a Crisis Response and Home Treatment Team. This team will assess and support people who are experiencing significant deterioration in their mental health and/or are experiencing crisis in how they feel and that an urgent response it needed .Their telephone number is: 01624 642860.

If your girlfriend is suicidal in the future and feel that there is an immediate danger , make sure that she is not left on her own. In the first instance contact her GP for an emergency appointment or the out of hours service. If it is out of hours and your girlfriend agrees contact the Crisis Response Team for an urgent response. You could also go to the Emergency Department or ring 999.

It can be very emotionally draining and upsetting knowing someone you care about is having suicidal feelings and thoughts. It is important that you look after you own mental wellbeing and physical health. It can be helpful for you to talk to someone you trust about how you feel, this could be a family member or friend.

Helplines and support groups

  • Samaritans (08457 90 90 90) operates a 24-hour service available every day of the year. If you prefer to write down how you are feeling, or if you are worried about being overheard on the phone, you can email Samaritans at .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address).
  • Childline (0800 1111) runs a helpline for children and young people in the UK. Calls are free and the number will not show up on your phone bill.
  • PAPYRUS (0800 068 41 41) is a voluntary organisation that supports teenagers and young adults who are feeling suicidal.

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