An intriguing and interesting question – thanks for that one. It’s not so much a case of good or bad – but is it the right thing for you? The law, your own thoughts and feelings and your own beliefs about life will all play an important part in deciding whether to have sex with someone or not.
The law says it’s too young to have sex under the age of 16 and so makes rules against it and you have to be aware of these.
On the Isle of Man the law says:
1. any person who has sexual intercourse with a person under the age of 13 shall be guilty of an offence and liable on conviction on information to imprisonment for life - that means if someone has sex with a person under 13 they could possibly get a life sentence
2. any person who has sexual intercourse with a person under the age of 16 shall be guilty of an offence an liable on conviction on information to imprisonment for a term not exceeding 7 years – that means that if someone has sex with a person under 16 they could go to prison for up to 7 years
3. Indecent assault (can be defined as touching another person in a sexual way without their consent) - a person under the age of 16 cannot consent (i.e. agree to do this) with another person – the person who does this can go to prison for up to 7 years
Indecent assault includes action such as sexual touching and ‘touching’ covers all physical contact, including touching with any part of the body, with anything else and through anything, for example, through clothing.
Are you ready for sex?
It’s important that anyone having sex does so because they want to and not due to peer pressure, for instance because all their friends say they should or that they all are. You should only have sex when you’re ready and if you aren’t 100% ready you don’t have to have sex. Don’t feel that you have to say yes to please others or because they pressure you to do so – and always say no if you don’t feel ready yet.
Peer pressure is when your friends try to get you to do something because they want you to do it and you don’t want to. Think about what you want to do and what’s right for you – not them. You will know when the time is right for you!
Maybe you don’t see that you are being put under pressure, but if any of the things below apply to you, then you could be:
• You feel like it’s easier to have sex than to say no
• You feel you’re being pushed into having sex
• All your friends say they’ve had sex so you feel like you should
• You’re afraid you’ll lose your girlfriend or boyfriend, or that they won’t love you any more if you don’t have sex with them.
• You’ve been drinking or taking drugs to help you feel more confident.
Here are some facts that might help you:
• Most people aren’t having sex under 16 - studies show that most people wait until they’re at least 16 to have sex, and some wait much longer
• Being in love doesn’t mean you have to have sex, and having sex doesn’t mean you’re in love!
• Not having sex isn’t a sign you’re immature
• Saying no to sex is a sign of confidence and maturity
Deciding to have sex for the first time is a big thing and you may be nervous – it’s important that as a couple you are comfortable with each other and can do what makes them both feel good. At first, it might be awkward and not go exactly as planned. Remember, even if you do decide to have sex, it is completely OK to say no or stop at any point if you don’t want to continue. Nobody has the right to make you do anything you’re not happy to do, so only have sex if you are really happy to. That’s true for the first time and every time you have sex.
Remember sex at 14 years of age is against the law and you and or the person you’re having sex with can be spoken to by the Police and maybe taken to court. Perhaps you have an older brother/sister/cousin/aunt/uncle that you trust to talk to about your feelings and who you can talk to in confidence – who you know won’t share the talk with anyone else but who will have the knowledge and experience to help you decide what’s right for you to do.
But if you feel it’s 100% the right thing for you and your partner to do despite all that, then make sure you are safe – be in a safe place, use contraception to prevent unintended pregnancy, even the first time and yes, girls do get pregnant at 14 years old and boys can become a dad! Use a condom to protect against sexually transmitted infections such as chlamydia.
For more information and advice on unitended pregnancies and STIs, see my ‘Life after the night before’ page. It includes contact details for the Isle of Man Family Planning Clinic, the GUM Clinic at Noble’s Hospital and the UK sexual health website, Brook.